Monday, 5 October 2015
Things have changed
There are a lot of things within the Catholic church I have struggled with over the years and either have found peace with this or found a way of living with the contradiction within myself.
However, recently I have found myself in a place I thought I would never find myself. I am fast falling in love with a guy. Which within itself is causing issues within me for different reasons. However, from my faith point of view this is causing conflict that I am struggling to reconcile within myself.
1. He has been married before, has been separated for quite a while but as of yet not got a divorce. The fact he has been married makes it hard for me to have a church wedding. Yes, I know I'm jumping the gun a bit here but he is someone I am thinking like that with.
2. Contraception: I don't want to be a mother... I don't know if I ever want to be a mother and when I was single and happy to stay like that for the rest of my life this was never an issue. Now it is and I don't know what to do.
3. Sex outside of marriage! We are seeing each other but I have yet to take that big step (for me) of sleeping with him, for he will be the first person I will have slept with. This is a bit of a sticking point for me. The Catholic church is quite clear about sex before marriage and about sleeping with married people.
4. He's (still technically) married. He becomes an adultery, and I'm destroying a marriage. Sort of, they have been separated for quite a while.
These were things I've never had to think about. I was the singleton from now until the day I die. I made my peace with it, and now this guy has come along and I have to reassess things and I know what I want to do, I know what the church says but I do, and have done for a while, thought they are out dated with their thoughts and believes and have had many a conversation with priests and nuns about this but at the end of the day the church is the church.
I have no idea what I am going to do. I need advice please... and prayer. I am going to have to pray about this a lot.